Polyamory, a practice that embraces consensual and ethical non-monogamous relationships, has a rich vocabulary filled with terms that describe various aspects of this diverse lifestyle. In this blog post, we’ll dive into the world of polyamory and explore some common and not-so-common terms and definitions that help navigate this unique and ever-evolving relationship landscape.
Common Polyamory Terms
- Polyamory: Polyamory is the overarching term describing the practice of having multiple consensual romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of all involved.
- Metamour: A metamour is a partner’s partner, someone who shares a romantic or sexual connection with someone you are also involved with, but you are not romantically or sexually involved with them yourself.
- Compersion: Compersion is the positive feeling of joy and happiness that can arise when witnessing your partner(s) experience love, happiness, or pleasure in their relationships with others. It’s often described as the opposite of jealousy.
- Nesting Partner: A nesting partner is someone with whom you live or share a home. This term is commonly used to denote a primary partner with whom you cohabit.
- Hinge. A person who is romantically or sexually involved with two or more partners who may not have a direct romantic or sexual connection with each other, often acting as a bridge or intermediary in the relationships.
- Non-Nesting Partner: A non-nesting partner is someone with whom you do not live with or share a home.
- Long-Term Relationship (LTR): A committed, emotionally invested partnership that lasts over an extended period within non-monogamous dynamics.
- Primary Partner: In some polyamorous dynamics, individuals may have primary partners who are central in their lives, often involving shared finances, living arrangements, and long-term plans.
- Secondary Partner: Secondary partners are typically involved in less central or committed relationships than primary partnerships. However, these distinctions can vary widely between relationships and individuals.
- Triad: A triad is a relationship involving three people who are all romantically or sexually connected to each other. Triads can take various forms, including hierarchical and non-hierarchical.
- Fluid bonded: Refers to a consensual agreement within a non-monogamous relationship where partners have chosen to share bodily fluids (such as through unprotected sex) after discussions about sexual health and safety.
- Comet. Someone who enters and exits an individual’s life sporadically, engaging in occasional romantic or sexual encounters. Usually a long distance partner.
- Sex-positive. A non-judgmental, affirming view of sexuality, emphasizing open discussions, acceptance of diverse sexual experiences, and prioritizing consent and safety.
Not-So-Common Polyamory Terms
- Polycule: A polycule is a complex network of interconnected relationships that includes multiple individuals who may not all be romantically or sexually involved with each other. It can resemble a family tree of interconnected partnerships.
- Polyfidelity: A closed group of individuals maintains exclusive relationships within the group, similar to monogamy but with multiple partners involved.
- Unicorn Hunter: Unicorn hunters are couples actively seeking a bisexual person to join their existing relationship as a third partner. The term is often used with a degree of criticism due to the objectification of the sought-after “unicorn.”
- Kitchen Table Polyamory: In kitchen table polyamory, all members of a polyamorous network are comfortable sitting together at the kitchen table, metaphorically speaking. They prioritize open communication and connection between all partners, even if they are not romantically involved with each other.
- Garden Party Polyamory. In garden party polyamory, metamours primarily come together during significant occasions, such as their shared partner’s birthday or a holiday gathering. Typically, these metamours maintain a friendly relationship with limited interaction beyond these special events.
- Parallel Polyamory: Parallel polyamory describes relationships where partners do not interact or have direct relationships with each other’s other partners. They may coexist without extensive entanglement.
- Solo Polyamory: Solo polyamory refers to individuals prioritizing their autonomy and personal freedom, often avoiding hierarchical relationships or long-term commitments. They may have multiple partners but maintain independence.
- Relationship Anarchy: Relationship anarchy is a philosophy within polyamory that emphasizes autonomy and rejects prescriptive hierarchies. It allows each relationship to be defined by the individuals involved rather than conforming to predefined roles or expectations.
- Poly-aroused. The thought or reality of your partner(s) being with others romantically, intimately, or physically, inspires you to engage in a favorable way that aims to elevate that relationship with your partner, rooted in joy or excitement, not responsive jealousy.
- Friends With Benefits (FWB): A relationship where friends engage in casual, sexual activities, with pre-discussion as to whether it will be with or without emotional commitment.
- Play Partner: An individual with whom someone engages in specific sexual or kinky activities, often within BDSM or other consensual adult play, without necessarily having a romantic relationship.
- Metamour Communication: Some polyamorous individuals prioritize direct communication with their metamours, fostering understanding and connection among all involved parties. This practice helps in building a harmonious polyamorous network.
The language of polyamory is as diverse and dynamic as the relationships it describes. While common terms like polyamory, metamour, and compersion help form the foundation of understanding, exploring less common terms like kitchen table polyamory, solo polyamory, and relationship anarchy can offer fresh perspectives on the intricate tapestry of polyamorous connections.
As the world of polyamory continues to evolve and grow, so does its vocabulary, reflecting the beautiful and ever-changing landscape of consensual and ethical non-monogamy. By familiarizing ourselves with these terms and definitions, we can better navigate the nuanced and fulfilling world of polyamorous relationships with respect, understanding, and empathy.